#012: Chatting with the little voice in your head

So, if thoughts—if that little voice in our head—has such an impact on how we feel and what we do, is it even possible to change it?

Should we be resigned to letting it run on autopilot so that we continue to be buffeted around by it? So that we continue to react instantly to anything it might have to say?

Or is there a way to interrupt the chatter?

You’re probably not surprised to hear me say that there is a way to interrupt the chatter that can have a really significant impact on how you feel—which also means it’ll have a significant impact in whether or not you turn to food if that’s something you do when you feel bad.

Welcome to the YoYo Freedom Podcast.

This is the place to learn actionable, step-by-step tools and strategies to help you stop bingeing or overeating and start feeling relaxed and confident around food, 

so that you can show up for your life on your terms.

I’m Gemma Keys and I know first hand what it’s like to feel out-of-control around food and trapped in the pain of binge eating and body-shame.

There is a way out. 

Keep listening to discover your path to food freedom.

Hello and welcome!

Today we’re gonna talk about that little voice in your head. 

I know we could probably call it just plain “thoughts” but I like to think of it as a little voice because it always has a lot to say, and I like to strike up a two way conversation with mine sometimes—well, quite often actually!

I guess that’s what it is when people say, “you’re talking to yourself” in a slightly surprised way!

The reason that little voice is important is because sometimes it says things that are really supportive and help you do the things you’ve planned for and you want do,

and at other times it can say totally mean, or defeating or unhelpful things that bring you down so that, if food is a place you go when things get tough, what that little voice has to say can take you right to a tub of ice-cream, or packet of biscuits or whatever the food is that you wish you didn’t eat.

I wonder how familiar you are with that little voice in your head.

Maybe you’ve never noticed it.

Maybe you think it’s you—it’s just who you are.

Or maybe it’s got so much to say that it sounds like a roaring crowd in there because of all the different voices shouting at you!

In this episode we’re going to take a first look at how to tune in to what that little voice has to say and begin to notice the impact it has—in other words where it takes you and in particular the effect it has on what you eat.

And then, if you don’t like where it’s taking you, what to do about it.

There’s so much more to dig into around this topic, and we’ll definitely go there in future episodes. But today we’re gonna cover some of the key points you need to know.

So, I call it that little voice in my head, but researchers estimate we have something like 60,000 thoughts per day.

That’s wild, isn’t it?

Of course, so many of them run in the background and we never even notice them.

A bit like the constant influx of sensory data that comes at us all day every day—we just can’t process every single thing we can see and hear and smell and taste and touch because that amount of information would create complete overload!

So all those thoughts are like a commentary that runs through our brains all the time—some of it with the volume turned right down, and some of it so loud it takes over.

And that little voice—or those voices—they do have a very real impact.

For example, have you ever made plans to meet someone only for them not to show up? And, you can’t get hold of them either.

First, if you’re anything like me, you go straight to, “oh no, what if they’ve been in an accident and they’re dead … “ Total worst case scenario.

But then I’m guessing your thoughts fairly swiftly move on to something like:

• They’ve forgotten about me
• They obviously couldn’t give a stuff that I might have other things to be doing today
• They’ve had a better offer—I’m bottom of the list
• I’d never dream of treating anyone like this!

And with that voice piping up comes a spiral of frustration and irritation, which eventually gives way to a feeling of sadness or rejection and maybe a sort of unworthiness at being passed over.

And that’s pretty much a perfect cocktail of emotions to take you to straight to the mini-mart along the street to stock up on sweets and cakes and cookies, and then to start sneaking them from your pocket or your bag into your mouth as you walk home.

But that little voice doesn’t always report with 100% accurately. It might notice some basic facts and then it immediately begins to interpret them. It tries to make sense of what’s going on by reading between the lines and making assumptions.

It’s like that for all of us.

And in a way it’s great, right? We’re humans, we think, we make meaning and have different view points and perspectives—and that’s what make us individuals.

But it gets interesting when you stop to notice where those thoughts, interpretations, and opinions take you—what they actually mean for you personally.

And then to ask whether the place they take you is where you want to go.

In the example of being stood up by a friend, the facts are she isn’t there and you can’t get hold of her. But what if it turns out the basement of her house has flooded and she’s frantically trying to get the water turned off and to minimise the damage, or she has a migraine, or (and this happened to me recently) her cat’s been runover. 

That puts a completely different spin on the situation, doesn’t it. She hasn’t shown up AND there’s a very good reason for it.

So, maybe she didn’t care about meeting you and stood you up. Or maybe something’s happened so she can’t make it. Either scenario could be true and, in the moment, we have no idea what the reason might be.

Yet, when the little voice assumes the worst—assumes something that makes you feel bad—an eating session becomes much more likely. 

So, if thoughts—if that little voice in our head—has such an impact on how we feel and what we do, is it even possible to change it?

Should we be resigned to letting it run on autopilot so that we continue to be buffeted around by it? So that we continue to react instantly to anything it might have to say?

Or is there a way to interrupt the chatter?

You’re probably not surprised to hear me say that there is a way to interrupt the chatter that can have a really significant impact on how you feel—which also means it’ll have a significant impact in whether or not you turn to food if that’s something you do when you feel bad.

And before we get into exactly how to do it, here are a few things that challenging the voice in your head, or interrupting that internal chatter does and doesn’t mean:

• It doesn’t mean that you’re kidding yourself, as if you’ve swapped the real world for fairytale land or some kind of parallel universe where you’re ignoring the truth
• But it does mean you get to actually listen to the voice for a moment, to hear what it’s saying and then choose how you want to respond—to decide on what you’d like to think or do next
• In that way, challenging the voice hands you back the power. And it helps you quieten down the internal chatter so you get to decide what you want to believe. In other words, instead of you being dictated to, it puts you back in charge.
  

So, how to go about it?

Well, here are the four steps. I’ve noticed there are always 4 steps … I’m not sure exactly how that happens, but still, we’ll go with it!

The first step is simply to NOTICE it.

What’s the little voice in your head saying? What’s it reporting on? What’re you thinking right now?

Most people need to practice before this comes super-easily but, if you can tune in straight away, that’s great—pick out a couple of messages, a couple of sentences that are running through your mind—so that you can take a closer look. 

If it’s not super obvious, or if there’s so much noise in there that it’s tricky to know where to start, another way to do it is to get it all out of your head and onto paper. 

Kind’ve like a verbal vomit, but in writing. 

To do that, you can take a side of paper and just write anything and everything that comes into your mind for, say 5 minutes, without looking closely at it or questioning it at all. 

If you can’t think of anything, then write “I can’t think of anything” and then keep going. 

That might become

“I can’t think of anything to write and this is ridiculous and there’s no point at all cos I’ll never be able to be different.”

OR

“I can’t think of anything to write. I just hate my boss because he shouted at me yet again and he obviously thinks I’m not up to the job.”

You never know what’s gonna come next and that’s why this process is so valuable.

When you’ve got your thoughts out on paper, pick one that you’re grappling with a bit.

Is there something in there that you don’t feel great about but just believe to be true?

Is there something that, when you think it, you notice the energy leaves your body and you feel deflated and defeated? Or maybe it riles you up and you feel angry, agitated or anxious.

Because, my guess is that those are the thoughts that are most likely to lead to eating in an attempt to feel better or to feel different, which is why they’re the ones especially worth noticing.

It might be something like,

• I’m never going to be able to do this, or
• My boss is an a-hole.

The second step is to UNDERSTAND where that thought or that voice is coming from

You can do that by asking yourself questions like, 

“Why might that thought be coming up?”

“How does it make sense that that’s what I’d be thinking?” 

“If I assumed that little voice is just trying to do right by me, trying to look out for me in some way, what might it be trying to do?”

So, using the example above, “I’m never going to be able to do this,” might be coming up because you’ve tried to stop bingeing before but it didn’t last, and the little voice is piping up to stop you raising your hopes only to be disappointed again.

Or, “my boss is an a-hole” might be coming up because your boss directed an irritated or frustrated comment at you, you don’t like being treated like that and all your hackles are up—you know, all those hairs on the back of your neck—so you’re ready to fight back and demand respect.

Once you’ve identified why the voice is coming up and how it might make sense, or what it’s trying to do for you, take a moment to just see how you feel about that. 

And then notice … is the voice or the thought taking you to a place you want to go?

The third step is to STRIP DOWN to the facts of the situation

If you notice the little voice is taking you down a path you don’t wanna tread, press pause on all that chatter—freeze frame the room and the voices for a moment.

Can you list exactly what’s happened in as few words as possible? The bare-bone fact of the situation?

If it was an exhibit in court, everyone would agree that’s what had happened—in other words, there’s no interpretation or emotions involved, it a plain and boring factual report.

Going back to the examples we’ve just discussed, the stripped back facts might be:

I. I started an exercise to tune into the voice in my head 30 seconds ago

II. My boss said, “Oh for goodness sake, isn’t the report completed yet?” in a loud voice

It’s a pretty sparse description, right? But the reason it’s so useful is that it takes out the assumptions or argument or justification and leaves only the plain, bald facts. 

Just doing that can de escalate your emotional response.

And when that happens, there’s more space to spot potential alternatives and just notice how another interpretation might be possible.

Now that doesn’t mean you have to immediately flip your viewpoint or adopt another perspective, but what if the situation isn’t quite so cut and dried and there is a bit of wriggle room in how you think about it?

Because, if there is, you have the opportunity to choose to make it mean something that serves you, that takes you to a place you want to go.

And how nice is that—to be able to choose who and how you want to be, rather than being at the mercy of the events rolling out around you?!

So, once you’ve stripped he situation down to the bare facts and hopefully created a bit of wriggle room as to different perspectives that may be in play, the fourth step is to CHOOSE what you want to do next.

If you’ve got the facts really pared down, there’s no arguing with them—after all, like we said, everyone who witnessed the situation would report back the same facts.

But how would you like to think and feel about it? What would you like to do next?

Going back to the examples

The first one was, ‘I started an exercise to tune into the voice in my head 30 seconds ago”

The automatic reaction was “I’m never going to be able to do this” which is very likely to lead to feelings of defeat and giving up.

But what if you’re interpretation of those facts shifted to, “this counts as a first step”? It’d probably feel very different—maybe optimistic or excited or committed, and that would mean you’d be more likely to keep writing for a few minutes and open to experimenting with something new—making a small shift in a new direction.

Exactly the same facts. Two responses that make sense. But one that’s much more likely to take you to a place you want to go—for example, to help you understand how the little voice in your head might be impacting what you eat so that you can begin to break that pattern.

Or, in the second example, he facts were, my boss said, “Oh for goodness sake, isn’t the report completed yet?” in a loud voice

The automatic reaction was “my boss is an a-hole” which probably led to feelings of anger and also fear in that you perceived you were being attacked and undermined, so were at risk. In my book, feeling like that was likely to end at the bottom of a bag of donuts on my way home … 

But what if a new interpretation was, “communication skills aren’t one of his strengths when he’s coming up against a deadline.” That way of making sense of what happened is likely to lead to feeling calmer and more grounded, so that you’re more likely to respond in a way that communicates your progress and, most importantly, doesn’t take on his comments as being about you but rather being a reflection of him. And feeling that bit calmer means there’s less need for those donuts in an attempt to soothe your frazzled nerves.

And just to reiterate that earlier point—challenging the little voice in your head and opening to a reinterpretation of events doesn’t mean you’re rolling over and accepting what isn’t acceptable, or living in fairy tale land—But it does give you more space to choose the next step you’d like to take.

You still might like to challenge your boss’s behaviour, but wouldn’t that challenge look different if it came from a place of calm rather than agitation?

You get to choose what actions to take, and that gives you so much more power.

So, to summarise those 4 steps, they’re

Step 1 NOTICE the voice

Step 2 UNDERSTAND what it’s saying and why it’s saying it

Step 3 STRIP DOWN the situation to the bare facts

And Step 4 CHOOSE what you’d like to think or do next—choose what will serve you best

Those steps are so helpful in tuning into that little voice in your head without always having to believe or take on board what it’s telling you.

Over time, you’ll get really familiar with:

• What’s running through your mind on the regular and where those thoughts take you as far as how you feel and what you do next 

Which is very important info as you begin to change your eating!)

• You’ll discover how to respectfully question that little voice and create a little wriggle room in how much of what it says you decided to take on board

Which gives you way more control over how you feel and the next step you take

• It’ll become clear which thoughts are most likely to lead you to overeating or bingeing, and which thoughts are supportive in helping you pull back from he food you don’t want to be eating

Which is great as it means you then can practice the thoughts that support you so that they become a go-to and you’re able to let go of the thoughts hat bring you down more quickly

Striking up a conversation with the voice in your head using those 4 steps is such a powerful way to interrupt patterns of thinking, which means it gives you the power to change  even the most entrenched behaviours and to, bit by bit, open to choosing the next best thought or action in the moment that will help you stop eating in a way that brings you down.

That’s it for today’s episode. Thank you for listening.

I hope you’ve found this episode helpful. Subscribe to The YoYo Freedom Podcast for more insight, tools and support as you pull back from bingeing, overeating or yoyo-dieting and step into your most authentic, vibrant life.

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Thank you so much! And Bye-bye for now.